Once a Caterpie; Now a Butterfree

s0 i b walkin d0wn da skr33t lukin 4 mii h0es n shiit 2 get mii $$.. n i see dat nigga dontavious n u kno wut he says 2 me? he b lyk, bitch whur mii $$ b? n i says nigga, dat sheet aint rite.. shaniqua b mii bitch now. n he b lyk u betta walk dat fine a$$ back up dat skr33t or i b p0ppin a cap in yo a$$ n make eet not s0 fine. so den i pulled 0ut mii glock n killed dat nigga. u kno wut i b sayin? u f33l me cuh?

I need a life… You know you’re too bored when stuff like this happens…

I understand how it is, and I finally see who you really are.
I’ve decided that you’re not worth my time.

I am searching for a miracle. This is going to be more difficult than I thought.

Sometimes I gaze into the mirror and contemplate what lies ahead. I wonder if I will accept what life has in store for me; probably not.

Flooded with numerous scenarios, my mind always seems to find a way to shut itself off from reality. Constantly, I lose myself within a world my mind has created, a world that engulfs my entire being. I glance around this place and scrutinize every observation I make. Nothing is as it appears, it’s all merely an illusion; complete and utter fantasy. As I analyze my life, or what is considered “reality,” I discover that the people who I call friends are merely temporary. Nothing is permanent, and there is no escaping the truth.

Every morning I wake up alone and every night ends the same way. I have consistent people in my life, but how long will that last? People come and people go, the only person who never leaves my side is me. I will never escape myself, but hopefully one day I will learn to live with myself. I will learn to accept who I am, or become who I want to be. No more will I depend on others for my happiness, but instead I will desperately endeavor to find it within myself.

Somewhere along the way I have lost the side of me in which I loved the most, the side that hardly anyone has had the opportunity to see. Only now do I find myself venturing out to rediscover that part of me that I have been depriving myself of.

My wall stands strong, and few have been able to penetrate it. Recently, one person has managed to slip by and learn some of the esoteric thoughts that pervade my mind. Even then, the majority of my thoughts remain unrevealed to the rest of humanity. My life is a facade. I disguise who I actually am with a deceiving persona, pretending to feel emotions I don’t actually have.

Life has many holes, we are all merely fisherman mending the slashes in our nets. We remain on paths unpaved while dropping dreams, there is no meaning in anything, hollow words; nothing but lies. Shattered hearts, simply fragments remain. Desperation lingers in desolation while never conquering what resides. Gloom effortlessly mounts itself on our faces.

I observe my reflection as it portrays the unreal. I examine my distorted image, and notice my trivial life. I find myself ripping out my emotions as I bury them deep beneath a disguise. Decietfulness arises in my smile, and concealed underneath hollowness awaits. Lurking out of my mask, and seeping out of my flaws, I become the new addition to the emotionless undead.

Society’s expectations hide who I really am.